mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
