Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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