Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize