everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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