seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
