By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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