Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
