Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
