Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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