Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
