this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
