Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
