i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
