Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
