Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
