the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
