apparently the secret to your success is patron
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
