I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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