I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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