YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
