You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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