Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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