I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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