He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
