So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
