So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
