just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
