yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
