i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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