Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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