somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
