the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
