Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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