My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
