wat bout pragnant strippers??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
