I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
