Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
