Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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