you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
