I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
