Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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