I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
