so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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