this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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