I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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