Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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