READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize