Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
