She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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