I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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