dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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