Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
