please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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