you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
