That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
