Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
