Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize