I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
