gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
