No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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