either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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