Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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