Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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