Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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