Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
