May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
