I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
