it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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