there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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