Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
