I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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