i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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